CMG’s Cynical Guide to the Federal Election

In case you haven’t heard, we’ve got a federal election coming up. Canadians head to the polls on October 21 to vote for a leader.

The coming weeks will be full of news, fake news, and rumours. We live in confusing times, and to help you keep it all straight, CMG has compiled the following guidebook to help you navigate the election propaganda. If you’re wondering who you should vote for, we’ve simplified the question by explaining things in motorcycle terminology.

We’re not sure who would be stuck on the pillion.

Justin Trudeau would ride a Ducati 996

Our incumbent prime minister swept into power with promises of big change. Electoral reform, improved relations with First Nations, a gender-balanced cabinet, openness, honesty, legalized cannabis, blah blah blah. Who could resist? It’s sort of like when you’re going through a motorcycle magazine, see a Ducati 996 in all its glory, and say, “That’s what I want.”

Alas, Trudeau’s record in office has been similar to a Ducati rider’s experience aboard the new bike. A few miles down the road and you realize the gearbox is full of false neutrals, and you really can’t afford the thing anyway. For that reason, we’d say he’d be a 996 rider, buying it with Daddy’s money and getting longtime pal Gerald Butts to ride off into the sunset with him. It’s like the movie Wild Hogs, but less American.

Andrew Scheer wishes his parents had enough money to buy him a little red Corvette.

Andrew Scheer would ride a Honda CM400A

Andrew Scheer, the

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